I couldn’t agree more. People are strange creatures i feel. We got so many types of them. Superficial. Judgemental. Hypocritical. The list just gets longer with time. Takes a lot to break one down emotionally, with a large extent depending on the structure of the individual. With emotions sometimes as clear as a slab of concrete with engravings and sometimes as unclear as the weather. Extremes. Never does help when situations aren’t exactly in ones favour, with an unclear representation of another’s feelings. Trying to decode what seems as complex as the Da Vinci Code. I wouldn’t bet on emotions being far more complex. So, how far does one go in understanding another?

     Everyone seems to be judgemental to a certain extent. Narrow minded perspectives seems to be a perfect description to the way people view decisions made by others or a situation for that matter. In the eyes of society, one plays a very pious, very noble role. An image created, formed to build a boundary to society’s impression. Where limits are put into place, imagination and thoughts repressed. This is one side to the coin. The next question is, is there another? A wilder, more evil side? Occasionally, we get to hear comments such as “look at him, such double standards.” What is having double standards? Take a step back, and look at the big picture. I have stopped believing in using that to derogate another. As the fact is, everyone has double standards, with to what extent being the comparison. It’s as simple as that. That is why people are strange.      Relationships for example, could be a very good representation for how fickle minded people can get. Why does one get into a relationship? For companionship? For a life partner? For the fun of it? Many reasons. Many motives. As strong the bond might seem, does it guarantee fulfillment? Questions arise in one’s mind, whether or not to take it one step further. Trust is put on the line, risks are taken in the hope of pulling through smoothly. Sometimes they make it, sometimes they don’t. I have realised, one can never know an individual as well as we think we know them. Intensity can often break a person’s values, a person’s beliefs. Every decision is made with a possibilty of it failing. What does one do? Take a risk and gamble? Or let time take its course. Time reveals everything. Time CHANGES people.

     The point is, charachters are built on societal norms. People fall trap to them. Society creates rules, and we stick by them. Whether personally it seems right or wrong, it hardly matters.  It is amazing, to see the decisions individuals make, and the reasons behind them. I always will be fascinated by people. 

     Interpretations are not for one to make. Who are we to judge the desicions or actions of others? This post itself is being judgemental. It all boils down to one common trait. Yet, i am least bothered. Knowing that these conclusions are formed based on the belief that what i believe in is right, is wrong in itself. To look at things from a one sided view and back it up with the reinforcement of another to strengthen one’s belief. It sure seems wrong does it not? Unjust. To someone else….it could have been a very different interpretation if seen in a different light.

Lots of thoughts are floating in my head, and i have to sort them out. Probably should end this post here itself. Abruptly. But thats how things work. Abrupt endings, leaving you to scatter for the pieces to try and fir them into the puzzle of life.

     In life, people are selfish. As hard it is to admit this, we all are. People are hard wired in such a way. Its innate, these characteristics. Then the examples of Mother Theresa pop up. Was Mother Theresa an altruistic person? Her deeds were truly pious and most definitely reflected the image of someone who was willing to incur the ‘cost’ of being this way. The question which i ask myself, is that was it truly out of love and compassion? Or did she have a motive behind it? I am in no way trying derogate her intentions. Un doubtedly she has been an immense contributor to humanity. Its just a question which i felt i wanted to address as an individual. I’m not saying her initial intentions were of such, but it might have changed as the years went by. This is a possibility is it not?

     I know for a fact that we, the general public are the last ones who would put our leg forward to exhibit altruistic behaviour. The very fact is that we don’t see a need to if it has nothing in store for us. And by saying this i am not including the exceptions on the MRT whereby we stand up to offer someone else a seat. Its too irrelevant a situation whereby one can judge. Its too small scale a situation if i were to put it. I know i am being far too judgemental in expressing my thoughts but i feel at times questions have to be addressed when at the most unpolished of stages. Coming back to the dilemma, do you think altruism is a characteristic people have? I believe it is not something that people posses as a whole, and if at all there are people like this they are VERY very rare. It has definitely to be a mix of Altruism and pro social behaviour.

     People are always looking for a reason to help someone else. In this modern era, where compassion and the desire to help someone else just to feel completely satisfied is dying at a rate that is scary, it is tough to find people with such pure intentions. The world is becoming a smaller place to live in, with lesser reasons to cry out for help. Murders in broad daylight, hostility filling the air with the smell of resentment. There just isn’t anywhere to go. Everyone is too darn bothered about themselves to have time to think about how to help someone else in need. But well, as we all say. “Hey, that’s life!”

     The wonders of the world will always amaze me, just as they probably amaze you too.

Venue: Mosocw

Date: 21st May 2008

Event: The 2007/2008 Uefa Champions League Final

Teams: Manchester United VS Cheslea

Lets skip all the irrelevant parts and come straight to the action. First all english final in the history of Champions league football. Most of the russian billionaire’s squad would love to have their hands on that ever prestigious trophy. In a pre-match interview, the two Coles had their word on their first ever final of their illustrious career. Both wanted very badly to be able to walk of the podium with a winners medal strapped from their necks.

25 minuts of plain and utterly boring football. Not once in those few minutes did it feel like a champions league final being layed. Both teams fighting for possesion. An utterly cagey affair. Chelsea were looking very in the game till it came to the nearing of the half time whistle. A scholes pass allowing brown to cut in to deliver what was probably the most important cross of the game. The man of the moment, none other than Cristiano Ronaldo leap frogged into the air with only one result from his attempt. The first goal of the game. His 42nd goal of the season. Michael Essien must be wondering what on earth he was doing. Grant must have been ranting his way into the record books. Or possibly sitting and sulking along with Le’ Sulk aka Anelka.

Chelsea then obviously would argue they played us to the wire. They got a goal through none other than Mr.  Lampard aka i want to be Mr Chelsea. An essien shot, a thousand and one deflections with Lampard to aim at an open goal. Lucky Lucky Chelski!

Second half!

And Mr Billionaire’s team started with an immense tempo their game. Hard to say this but we were getting whipped top, bottom, left, right and centre. Couple of scares all the way till 90 minutes.

Sorry but have to get the fun part!

Extra time finally dawned on the fans, unbeleivable but well thats football. Drogba the diver struck a sweet shot which hit the bar. Unlucky for Chelsea, but guys thats soccer! Was quite surprised that the fella didnt dive at all in the whole game? Amazing right? Then again ofcourse, he got himself sent off. Who the hell slaps their opponent in front of the referee? That was the last of Diver Drogba.

Now who would’ve expected the final to be settled over spot kicks?

Up stepped our Argentinian superstar who scored. 1-0

German skipper Ballack levelled the score with his kick. 1-1

Up stepped Carrick who was cool in his finish and so was Juliano Belletie who followed after him. 2-2

Next up, Cristiano Ronaldo. 1 step, 2 step, stop. Look. Kick! SAVE! He freaking missed the penalty!

Lampard steps up and slots it calmly. 2-3

Hargreaves and Ashley Cole slot each for their teams to make the score a nerve wrecking 3-4.

Up stepped Nani who was the coolest in finishing. Score!

This was the telling moment. The biggest time of the game, of his career. The real Mr. Chelsea. John Terry was to seal victory for Chelsea by a single kick, and could blow it with a single mistake.

Up stepped the captain, who looked calm and composed. 1st step, 2nd step slip and hits the bar. Thats when the emotions surged through every fan. A mixed emotion around the crowd and i was jubilant. 4-4

Anderson and Kalou scored fom the spot to make it 5-5

Up came record breaker Giggs to gie United the lead, which he did in style. 6-5

The game was beyond doubt when Edwin Van Der Sar saved from Anelka’s kick.

This was no doubt the best game of the year. Lived up to every bit of its pre match hype. Providing the fans with end to end action, melodrama. Everything. Deservedly, the game went United’s way. Our third European cup.

All loser Chelsea got was a runners up trophy. I am really really sorry for this post. To all Chelsea fans, i truly beleive you guys should have won it but well. Shit happens and I am a Manchester United fan.

Not to make matters worse, idiot Ronaldo wants to sign for Real Madrid. Can someone ask him to prove his loyalty? Damn it!

     Overwhelmed with intense emotions. Taking myself on a ride only i can understand. Questions asked, eyebrows raised. Love doubted. Assurance wanted. Never really did help me did it? Just to keep it all inside, unwilling to share sentiments. Unwilling to accept the truths. To live in denial. To justify the unjustifiable. It just piles up. It boils up. Its only imaginabe what happens when you can’t take it any longer. The pain multiplied, the heartache amplified. It hurts, it hurts tremendously to feel this way. An outrage of emotions. The inconsolable times.

   Our mind is exposed to limitless thoughts. The realm of our mind is too vast to be mentioned. Reflections in solitude open up room for destructive thoughts as well. Which can result in disastrous consequences. Thoughts that derail values and beliefs, thoughts that break a person. Thoughts that mislead a person due to false perceptions.

     I have come to believe off late that sharing sentiments can be one of the most important things one should do when faced with a difficult situation. Intensity can get too much to take at times. With the decisions being affected. I owe a lot to many people. Sometimes life throws obstacles that force you to make a decision you either end up looking back and regretting or moving on with life. It hurts when its the former. To lay back and look at life from the bigger picture always helps.    

Not wishing to write any further.

PS: Sharan, talking to you sure did help.

The fact that my classmates will be way older than me, and way older i mean by a margin of 5-6 years(guys). It can be a  little daunting when you think about it. That’s the age where ego plays an immense role. Its a common thing for many to probably shun some little seventeen year old. Well, 2 weeks gone by, i am happy that i am able to say that its not the case with the group of friends that i have made. What a fun bunch! Noisiest group in the lecture theatres, and noisy i mean productively noisy. Always coming up with the weirdest of things to say, studying as a group or trying to study. I swear i never knew i would be able to say this one day!

Pressure mounting right from the start. Its 2 weeks gone by and already the expectations of the lecturers are staring at us right in the face. The over stressing on how much of an Americanised schooling this is, and how much of self reliant we have to be to be able to excel in the system. I guess all this is part and parcel of what they call education system?

The assignments have not started to flow in like a water out of a tap yet, but i presume its gonna come my way one of these days. Talk about scary shit. Mathematics which i thought was gonna be out of my life has returned in a much scarier form to hunt the shit out of me. That does not mean i get scared and shiver like a wussy right? I want to be brave and fight Maths like how a knight in shining armour fends off the ugly fire breathing dragon. Hmm, digressing a little, i could really get used to writing children’s books. And our lecturer is an amazing mathematician with probably the most comprehendable accent you would find on the face of this earth. Introducing Mr Radhakrishnan *playing Indian classical music*

Psychology is still the most interesting of the lot. Content increasing like mad. For Music, An absolutely animated lecturer to start with, and on top of which his over excited giggles to our dull, half dead responses to his questions. With content anyone would totally swoon over. Music@?!@ What bliss!

Well for our English teacher i have nothing to say, which is quite a surprise because i have things to say for everything. Oh gosh, i am running out of things to say.

Shall i elaborate on my group of friends?

Hmm?

Group Joker: Theeban aka Theebz or Bunzz, never stopping his yapping and making everyone laugh. 5 stars

J pop : Nicholas aka Japanese brother 5 stars

Mr Sophisticated : Shaun the Man, love his accent man 5 stars

I dont know what : Emil aka Emil heskey, the guy who laughs for no reason 3 stars

Star wars : Lucas aka Skywalker 5 stars

Mr Cool tatoo : Darren, one guy you can never understand by first impressions

AND ME

MANIK VASUDEVA! I choose not to elaborate on myself

Ok, i am done for now, till next time. TATA

I really need to start improving the way i end my posts

Heard of this before? Why do you think this phrase came about in the first place? Think of what society can do to the world with its own notions. Think of how society can turn someone into someone else. Think of how society can turn someone against their very own loved one.

Why? Just so the world doesn’t develop their notions about you?  That basically sums up people. To be in good books of one, one has to wear a mask to fit the bill of that individual. On the other hand one has to compromise on sticking to being themselves if they were to strive in this ‘jungle’ called society. Changing their persona whenever they have to just in order to adapt to different groups of people. Its necessary, because if not hypocritical beliefs are formed.

And as hard as a fact it is to accept, even if we despise an individual, sometimes its important to speak behind them. Important in the sense of maintaining relationships. I have leant of late that maintaining relations and building them is one of the most important things in life. Connections are probably the most important in someone’s career. Be it any career. We never know when someone might come handy, and in no way is this a selfish and egocentric thought. This boils down to it being hardcore fact.

We may not realise this but in every individual, certain amount of hypocritical tendencies exist. In sticky situautions, our bestest of friends come into the picture just so we get away scot free. In some way this might be betrayal for some people, but for an instance if taking the name of someone you know helps you out of a tricky scenario, but without the person coming to know. Then this is no way violationg the rule of being loyal. And if integrity is questioned, it definitely is important but we are humans for a reason.

As much as one might be against my views, society is filled with hypocrites. As much as we like it or not. And everyone is desperately trying to be ones who matter and the ones who dont are just shunned away. They are being moced at behind their backs. As everyone else is, i am equally guilty of this. In a whole the most important thing to know is that not everyone whom we call friends may be our friends.

I have to say this is a job which fits my bill just nicely, knowing that i have knack for talking to people i dont know and getting on their nerves with my nonsense. I would need none other than a job for which was very people oriented. Now this would give me the perfect opportunity to walk up to any tom dick or harry and say hello! By now you guys must be wondering what on face of this blue and green earth am i doing?

Well just for your info that was intended!

First of all let me start out by saying i am a promoter at Mustafa centre. Before you guys start laughing at me, i am going to tell you that as you glanced upon that holy word it is the common stereotype that ran through your little impressionable minds that have forced you into laughing at me! So quit sniggering and read on. I swear i didn’t know that even such an interactive job required constant effort to please the customers which at times can get quite nerve wrecking. I promote physiotherapy equipment and along with which is a machine which does wonders in helping cure body aches and improve blood circulation. Presenting! The Aqua machine!

If i was expecting an easy run in with customers then i was wrong! There are times where they can just go on asking the same bloody questions repeatedly and you will wonder to yourself in your mind “I swear i told him the answer to that question just seconds ago!” but no….they wont leave you that easily!

And then there are the times where you do nothing but wait…………and just when you are expecting someone to come up and buy the product or use the machine, they don’t. They will just stand there asking you a million and one questions on the uses of the product or the aqua massage as if they are very interested, and you decided to make the first move by asking. “So? Sir would you like to give it a shot?” What does he say? “uhh, nvm la, just looking only” And at that moment, if i wish i would so break his teeth. But no can do, that’s part of the job.

Then its the third and most un-desirable part of the job. This constitutes the majority of the 9 hour shift which can be summed in one word. Boredom. I got a job to pass boredom, but got the same thing in it. Maybe that’s how life is? Oh wells, i learnt of a good way to cope with that. My dear friend with a long and unique name came to my rescue!

Amanda to the rescue! *Playing Superman music*

At least i have the company of a friend! And if there is anyone i can speak total rubbish to but make sense of it at the same time (paradoxical i know) its Amanda! From talking about colourful cows to life on mars and other random shit! But my happiness is always short lived, as usual, and soon Amanda has to go. Otherwise either one of our bills will explode.

So then the word of the month comes into play again. *waiting*

Oh Oh Oh! I totally forgot to tell you that there is a sight no one must miss! The sight of inumerable number of fools hanging the perfume sections trying to get a whiff of expensive scents onto them when no one is looking! But guess what? I caught you!

And i never knew that in  spam of 9 hours i would be treated to a sight of so many different people from so many different walks of life! Its amazingly freaky! If at all there is an exclamation as such then even that’s an understatement!

Well apart from being a fun and boring job at the same time, its a real eye opener and a great experience for me! This surely will be an experience worth remembering!

Till next time!

Tata!

Love is probably the most wonderful, most beautiful emotion there is on this planet. Accoridng to me that is, and i am sure its pretty much the same for most people out there. Being in love with someone, be it your parents, your spouse, your girlfriend or whoever, it gives you that satisfaction which is just so un-explainable. You so terribly want to scream out to the world that you are in love, you tell yourself that you are the happiest you have ever been, but then you stop and wonder. I dont think this is happiness. No not at all close to being happy, or being elated or ecstatic. Its way more than being happy.

And when i refer to feeling this way in love, i am most certainly not referring to physical love. Thats a whole different topic altogether. I refer to the love that engulfs us, that encompasses us all round.

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”
Cindy – age 8

They say children can never lie. It is just so evident, they way their innocence is defined in such simplicity. Sometimes i wish i was all young and small and kiddish again. To be honset, with you i love irritating my mother to bits, and the only reason that i irritate her to bits is because i love her the most. I would at times just behave like the most childish boy you would ever see. Imagine me walking around imitaitng a high pitched girl, trying to scream saying “Momm! I feel like a little kid, i wish i was 7! can you please carry me” And then she gives me this wake up call that im 17 and i should stop behaving like a little toddler. But thats not the point, the point is that in us we all have this little child asking, yearning for love. Sometimes, you just gotta let loose. And trust me, you all should try this on your parents. It will give them a hell of a shock.

If i were to be asked who i love most on this planet. I have to say its my parents, because they are the ones who are responsible for my upbringing. They are the reason for our existance. If we dont love them the most who else can we love?

Then of course there are the others in my life whom i love to bits!

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”
Noelle – age 7

I have a personal liking for this one. Of course, there was this once where i mentioned this to a special someone, that the red dress looks absolutely stunning on her. She obviously didnt wear it everyday, but you get what i mean. It might come across as being childish and one might even wonder how this could be of any importance. I am at a loss of words to explain it, but in life, sometimes its the most simplest of things that matter the most.

Sometimes, a simple i love you could mean so much. My brother and I make it a habit to give my parents a kiss before heading to bed. As hindus, its a good thing if we seek the blessings of our parents as well. I would ofcourse recieve a hug from them and then head to bed. This has been going on for years now, and yet the most amazing part is that every night, the hug seems different. Its charged. You cant explain this, you just experience it. Thats love. Love if genuine can be felt, and felt very strongly.

 “Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”
Mary Ann – age 4

This paticular statement has a lot of relevance in my life. I would proudly say i have the best, the most beautiful dog in the world *which dog owner would not say that* Mystic, my extremely “small” chocolate labrador.

They mean it when they say dogs are therapeutic. There are times where i am feeling really down, and i just dont feel like speaking to anyone. I would have ignored him for the whole day, but yet he senses my emotions and comes over to offer as much as support he can as an animal. Its amazing how much of love he come give, and his arrival to our house has changed the lives of everyone at home, for the better!

I have a lot more i want to share and express but am afraid that there is only so much i can write about. 

I would like to end this post with one more statement. I wont write anything about it..but its for those people who matter the most to me. And i am sure you know who you are

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU A LOT!

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”
Billy – age 4

Off late, constant reminders from old school mates have done nothing else but bring these memories back! I am not saying they were bad memories, i am saying they were surprisingly fun. First 2 years of my secondary school life were pretty mundane with lots of disagreements and what not. And mind you this is in no way hitting out against my classmates in those two years. I had wonderful classmates or i would like to think so. I just was not able to get along with many of them in the best possible way.  

I cant help but quote couple of personal anecdotes now!

I remember my constant squabbles with Kathleen, oh god how we both hated the sight of each other! I remember her extremely loud and irritating squeals on the top of her voice. It would just tick all the guys off. Next thing you know, we are giving each other a piece of our minds! “Maniikkk Shut the *#&! up” I was obviously not helping by adding to the chaos with my friends. “You shut the  *&#$ up la!” was my reply along with many others.

We are no more enemies now by the way.

Not forgetting, my personal favourite, the childish immature classroom confrontations with Royston! Oh god! How childish we WERE. Please take note of the highly emphasised capital letter. Of-course i do not get angry easily anymore i think.

Of-course there were the fun times and a few embarrassing moments worth forgetting. That time where i made a complete fool out of myself on stage while playing the role of Macbeth! Darn it! 

As they say, time passed real fast and i was in Secondary 3 with a class i swear i will never forget! 3a2 & 4a2! Oh gosh! I could bet on the fact that this class has the largest diversity of characters. We had the funny bunch, the crazy bunch *i believe everyone was crazy in a good way*, the bloody smart bunch, who couldn’t help keep me in awe at how the hell they ended up there, and also the ‘i don’t know what the hell i want’ bunch!

I am sure all of us have heard of the phrase living hell. But the people who have experienced this were our teachers themselves. Along with being sorry for our absolutely beastly and fallacious behaviour i have got admire their courage for sticking with us all the way through.

The PE lessons were oh so fun. The inevitable fights with Yusri, the shrieks and screams of the girls! The punching of the fists when the guys scored a point or two with each other! Our male egos filling the air with hostility. Oh not the forgetting the beautiful aroma of perspiration mixed with deodarants in the classroom before the start of our next lesson. Along with that also came the angry reactions of teachers due to our inability to understand the importance of returning to class promptly!

Then the gossips during lesson time which i should not be proud of at all! Teachers getting annoyed, us teenagers showing temper tantrums due to our raging hormones. OH GOD! Those unforgettable melodramatic scenes. Then came the loss of classmates, which i am not going to elaborate as it revolves around certain moral values by which explaining would just create more “mess”

Anyhow, time passed again and the ever intimidating O levels were approaching. Nagging increased along with the pressure. Every day seemed a day closer to D-Day or should i say O levels day. Teahcers obviously “helped” us by driving the reality into our heads even more by scaring the living shit out of us! I toiled and worked hard *in fairyland*, the days seemed so close. Next thing i knew the O’s were here and were here to stay.

And as they say the rest is history. Now we are all beginning a new chapter in our lives. Lets start afresh and give life a whole new life. Talk about an abrupt ending eh?

These were times that i believe have helped me grow as an individual. They will definitely stay as memories etched forever. The times i experienced cannot be summed up in one, two, three or as many posts as you would like. This is an attempt to relive few moments, just a few moments which have seen us through to this day.

PS: This apology is to my POA teacher Miss Liem, who absolutely “adores” me! Its my fault that i caused you such pain and i cant believe i am saying this but i am sorry. Not that you will read this ever in your life but yea. 

I have to say this emotion has a really huge role in my emotional experiences nowadays! Ever felt that a person so close to you would be just drifting away because of the lack of communication? You start getting these horrific sights or visions, watever you call them because you are afraid. SO afraid that they might drift too far, too far for you to reach out your arm and reach for them. To stop them because you know, that with them in your life it just seems much more a happier life, with them in your life you feel a that bit more complete, with them in your life it feels you have this person to share your highs and lows with, with them you just feel so so good!

If you dont get these kind of feelings, good for you, although i highly doubt it! Its a sense of insecurity that comes along with that which puts me off my feet even more. Apart from all this fears that engulf me, something else lingers in my mind even more than this. A question which even after answering umpteenth number of times, does not quite give me the satisfaction i crave for. The satisfaction which comes clearing doubts of faith or trust. That all elusive and absolutely mind blowing question comes in the simplest of forms. I say its elusive and yet simple! Bloody paradoxical but its true!

What am i scared of? Is it the fear that the person might have more other important things in his/her life than to think about me? Possibly, or it could be something else. Apart and on top of all this, deep down inside me i know for a fact that, it will be hard and possibly impossible for this person to forget me. I believe strongly that as the distance grows between us the faith is growing as well, along with love and care for each other as individuals.

It can get tough at times, to lose a friend you feel so much for. To lose a part of you which you can relate to so much. Although this could be quite a hard fact to get into terms with, i believe faith and belief is something that would bring this gem of a friend right back to me.

I know that you will be reading this, and you are and wont ever be forgotten. Everything will be fine very soon. Lets pray and have faith. I believe that sometimes its the faith that will get you what you want. Live the life you want to live, be the way you are because it will get you to great heights, and dear, always keep smiling!

Let bygones be bygones. Mistakes we have made, incidents lets forget. Future we will decide.

 This is dedicated to you 

Yours Truly,

Manik